The Really Odd Crazy Weird Silent Hill Things
by ZerstorenByRage
Summary: Harry's going weird, Dahlia is crazier than before, Lisa is...actually normal. And Cybil becomes hyperactive. It doesn't make sense at all. I'M TELLING YOU IT DOESN'T!
1. Default Chapter

Hello peoples out there!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MORE STUPIDITY HERE!! AND THIS TIME, TIS SILENT HILL STYLE!! YET AGAIN! And...it's...free.... I NEED MORE SILENT HILL STORY THINGYS!! THE LOON IS NOT IN HERE!! .....I think. Well, anyhoo, it might be in here. Like Tom Green says one time, "I WANNA HEAR THE LOONY LOON!!! THE FUNNY FUNNY LOON LOON!!!" ANYWAY!! HERE WE GO!!   
  
BEWARE OF ZE INSANITY. BEWARE I SAY!! BEWARE!!  
  
--------------------------  
  
[The twisting staircase place]  
  
Harry: (opens door to staircase) HOLY CRAP!!! IT'S A LONG TWISTING STAIRCASE THINGY!! (dramatically) I SHALL CLIMB THESE LONG FORSAKEN STAIRS NOT KNOWING WHERE IT GOES!! I BEGIN MY JOURNEY....NOW!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! (begins climbing fast)  
  
10 minutes later...  
  
Harry: HOW LONG ARE THESE FREAKIN' STAIRS?!?! *pant pant* Oh wait, I'm almost there. I SEE THE LIGHT!! Or...darkness...or whatever...(finally reaches top and looks around) Awww....there's nothing here except a giant glowing Mark of Samael. *sigh*  
  
On the other side of the mark, Dahlia, two zombie nurses, and an undead doctor were...DUN DUN DUN!!! LISTENING TO ALESSA SING OFF KEY!!! (THE HORROR!! THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!! THE MADNESS!!)  
  
Alessa: (singing "You're Not Here" *the SH3 theme* totally bad)  
  
Dahlia and the monsters start clapping and begin to....sing...along. (O_O...)  
  
Harry: (covering ears) OH CRAPNESS!!! THE NEXY SCARY THING THAT I CAN'T EVEN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!!! IT'S THE BEAST!! Except other than Dahlia running to the camera and trying to kiss it. THAT WAS TWISTED AND WRONG!! NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!!!  
  
Harry begins to desperately make a run for the stairs. A turtle was in his path and made him trip. Causing him to fall all the way down the stairs.  
  
Harry: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OW!!! AW CRAP!! HEY!!  
  
He says quite a lot of usage "crap" doesn't he?  
  
Harry: CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! AHHHH!!! (finally lands) Oww...  
  
Alessa: '__'i  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
[Harry and the one desk in the middle of that classroom]  
  
Harry: An empty classroom...[sounds just like Barry from RE1 doesn't he?] WITH ONE SINGLE DESK IN THE MIDDLE!!!  
  
Voice: THANKS FOR THE OBVIOUS, YOU FRUIT!!  
  
He goes to the desk and reads the writings on it. Instead of saying "die, drop dead, death, get out" and all that good classic Silent Hill stuff, it says, "Hi Harry. I'm a desk. I know you're reading me. EVERYBODY DOES!! MUAHAHAHAHA!! Anyhoo, open me up and look inside!! ^__^"  
  
He does what it says and.....A LITTLE APPARITION JUMPS OUT AND STICKS ON TO HARRY'S FACE!!!   
  
Harry: (trying to tug at it) AHHHH!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!! WHY DOES MY HAND GO RIGHT THROUGH IT!!!??  
  
James: (bursts in dressed in a superhero costume with a bowl of oatmeal) NEVER FEAR!! JAMES THE MAGICAL MAN IS HERE!!  
  
Harry: (still tugging furiously) YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!   
  
James: I just blew my shot for Maria...;__; (walks away)  
  
Apparition: (squeaks and gets off)  
  
Harry: O__O HOLY CRAPCAKES!!! IT'S A SMALL SQUEAKING BLUEBERRY JELLYBEAN PERSON!! Hmm...I must be drunk again. BUT STILL!! IT MOVES!!!   
  
He then soon runs out of the room screaming while passing by two zombie nurses into the elevator.  
  
Nurse#1: What's with that guy?  
  
Nurse#2: Let's not deal with him....he's---he's had enough for one day.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
[the hanging corpse in the bathroom]  
  
Harry: (in the bathroom) Now I wonder why there's only one stall in here. The other bathrooms have more stalls. But doesn't this one have any more? Ok now why am I talking to myself? It doesn't make any sense. But why would such a big school have a bathroom with only one stall? (thinks for a while) Oh well! Must be something we will never know!! ^__^  
  
He opens the door AND IT REVEALS.....THE DEAD BODY THINGY OF DOOM HANGING IN THE BATHROOM!!!  
  
Harry: WHAT THE FRUIT IS THAT DOING IN THERE?!?! Good thing I didn't crap in my pants. Again. __ __ (like Wesker in RE1) It's magnificent... (yells) THIS IS THE BEST PIECE OF ART EVER!!!  
  
Lisa: (appears) IT'S A DEAD BODY, YOU IDIOT.  
  
Harry: Lisa!! You're not supposed to be here.  
  
Lisa: (dissappears)  
  
Harry: (examines body closer) Weird... (begins poking at it with his gun) weird...it's squishy..eww...hehehe...this is fun. (pokes it again)  
  
Soon Harry begins poking it over and over. He pokes it with his shotgun, rifle, stick, knife, hand, ax, and anything else he can find. He pokes it too much, that the body...falls on him.  
  
Harry: O__O!!! CRAP!!! EW! EW! EW!! GET IT OFF!!! (throws it in the toilet and flushes it) Ooh....body go spinny...hehehe...(flushes again)  
  
SOON HARRY FLUSHES TOO MUCH THAT THE TOILET BEGINS TO OVERFLOW!!!  
  
Harry: Oh no....HOW IS IT EVERY TIME I DO SOMETHING, IT GOES WRONG!!? Uh oh...it's getting worse...um...(runs out)  
  
Alessa: (goes inside)  
  
Harry: o__o Oh fruit, someone went in there...  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
Alessa: (comes out dripping wet) '__'....  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
[Lisa dies]  
  
Lisa stumbles around while bleeding to death.  
  
Harry: Ew! Ew! Ew! Get away from me!!  
  
Lisa: (moans) I only want a hug before I die.....hold me Harry...  
  
Harry: And get covered in blood? Hmm....(turns around) Should I? Or not?  
  
Lisa: Harry...  
  
Harry: Umm....okay. (hugs Lisa and gets covered in blood) Eww...now I look like some kind of ax murderer. Not to mention I have an ax with me now. -__-i What would Cheryl say??  
  
Lisa: (gone)  
  
::::thinking::::  
  
Cheryl: Daddy...why do you got blood all over you? And why do you have an ax?  
  
Harry: .......  
  
Dahlia: (comes running along) AX MURDER!!! AX MURDERER!!!  
  
Harry: I'm no murderer!! I'm just a writer!! I never killed anyone!!  
  
Dahlia: Liar!! Get him!!  
  
Harry: (runs down the road screaming, still carrying the ax)  
  
Everybody and the monsters of Silent Hill 1, 2, and 3 begin to chase after him. Cheryl is standing there confused.   
  
Cheryl: '__'??  
  
::::::::END!!:::::::  
  
Harry: I don't even wanna think about it....even though I just did. O__O  
  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
[Harry meets Cybil in the cafe]  
  
Harry: (gets up too fast and falls off) Ow!!  
  
Cybil: HA! HA! YOU FELL OFF!!! (busts out laughing)  
  
Harry: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE YET!!!  
  
Cybil: (in a coffee rush) HEY HEY!! TAKE THIS GUN BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF MONSTERS OUT THERE AND THIS ONE PERSON NAMED ALESSA IS GONNA APPEAR OUTTA NOWHERE, AND THERE'S A TOWN CALLED NOWHERE ALSO, BUT IT'S A PRETTY CRAPPY TOWN IT'S ALWAYS DARK!! OH!! AND---AND (begins jumping around) YOU'RE GONNA MEET THIS ONE PERSON NAMED DAHLIA WHO LOOKS LIKE AN INSANE, CRAZY PERSON. BUT WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?!?! I'M A HAPPY CRAZY PERSON TOO!! BUT THAT'S ONLY BUT NIGHT!! COP BY DAY, AND CRAZY BY NIGHT!! OOH!! OOH!! AND THAT RADIO OVER THERE IS GONNA START GOING ALL STATICY 'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE A BIRD THINGY COMING THROUGH THIE WINDOW!! OKAY!! TIME FOR ME TO GO!! BYE BYE HARRY PERSON MAN!!!! (jumps out the window and runs off)  
  
Harry: '__' Okay.....I did not get any of that at all. Except the part with the radio and the monsters.   
  
-----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Okay...I can't think of anymore. BUT I SHALL THINK OF SOME MORE!! If you people have any ideas, I'll be happy. ^__^ 


	2. SH2 and a bit of SH1 Yay!

[Harry and the phone ringing.]  
  
The phone rings. Whoopee.  
  
Harry: o__O That is one weird sounding phone...well anyway... (answers it) Um...ahoy hoy...?  
  
Voice on phone: I knew it was you all along...I know who you are and what you did. You will never escape this town alive...  
  
Harry: What the...? Who is this!? Tell me who you are!!  
  
Voice: (evil laugh) You should know who I am...I am always watching you...so beware... I could be anywhere. Or anything. If you desperately wanted Mary, then why did you kill her? In fact, you should just die if you want to be with her again...but I'm afraid you might see her in a different place, James...  
  
Harry: O__o Okaaaay...um...I have no freakin' idea what you're talking about. And who's this Mary?  
  
Voice: Oh wait, this isn't James Sunderland?  
  
Harry: No, this is Harry Mason.  
  
Voice: Oh I'm sorry! I though you were...hmm...must've got the wrong number. Bye bye!! (giggles and hangs up)  
  
Harry: (puts down phone slowly) That is THE weirdest conversation I have ever had on the phone. And that sounded like a kid!! And I thought Cheryl was supposed to be on the other line.  
  
Phone rings again.  
  
Harry: Ok this better be right. (picks up phone) Cheryl?  
  
Cheryl: WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUPPPPPPP!!!!  
  
Harry: O__O (slams down phone and runs out)  
  
--------  
  
[Cybil, Dahlia, and Harry inside the boat]  
  
Harry goes inside and finds Dahlia.  
  
Harry: HOLY CRAP!! HOW'D YOU GET HERE!?!  
  
Dahlia: ......Same way you did, moron.  
  
Harry: Shut up!! I knew that!  
  
Cybil: (comes in) Hey! Whoa! Who's this crazy person?  
  
Harry: HEE HEE!! ROCK THE BOAT!! (starts rocking the boat)  
  
Dahlia: STOP MOVING THE DAMN BOAT YOU DUMBASS!!  
  
Harry: YAY!!! (continues rocking it and eventually falls though) AH CRAP!! THE WATER'S FREAKIN COLD!!  
  
Cybil: I was just going to tell you that this boat is old. -__-  
  
Dahlia: (sighs and leaves)  
  
Harry: A little help here?  
  
Cybil: (leaves)  
  
Harry: Am...I annoying or something? '__'  
  
----------  
  
[Before final battle with Alessa]  
  
Everyone is there talking. (I totally forgot what they say here ;__;)  
  
Dahlia: ...I WILL BE THE MOTHER OF GOD!!  
  
Harry/Cybil: o__o  
  
Dahlia: (cackles insanely)  
  
Harry: (jumps onto Cybil) SHE'S SCARING ME!!  
  
Cybil: o__o  
  
---------------  
  
:: Yay SH2 side!::  
  
[The trailer. Joy]  
  
James: (looks inside) Ooooooh....comfy looking. Finally, someplace clean! (drops on the bed and falls asleep)  
  
Couple sirens later...  
  
James: (wakes up) Whoo! Refreshed! Hehe! (flings open the door hitting a Faceless Nurse in the process) HELLO EVERY--- ^o^ ........ o.o  
  
All the monsters are outside the trailer watching him.  
  
A tumbleweed goes by.  
  
James: ...... (walks by very slowly while they're still watching) Just stay cool....they won't expect anything if I walk by slowly...  
  
A Mannequin smacks him upside the head.  
  
James: Ow!! (holds his head) Hey you stupid moving plastic thing! You know how much that hurts?!! I'LL SHOW YOU DAMMIT!!! (runs after it)  
  
Mannequin: (honks panickily and runs off)  
  
James: (maniacal laughter)  
  
Soon, they're running around in circles with the other monsters still watching.  
  
Others: (sweatdrop)  
  
Nurse: (still knocked out)  
  
Nurse#2: I'm gettin' a beer. (leaves)  
  
James: (grabs Mannequin and makes it hit itself) Quit hittin' yourself! Quit hittin' yourself!!  
  
Mannequin: *HONK*  
  
Straitjacket: This is gonna be a long day...  
  
--------  
  
[Maria in the cell]  
  
Maria: See? I'm real. (touches his face)  
  
James: YOUR HANDS ARE FREAKIN' COLD!!  
  
Maria: Don't you wanna touch me?  
  
James: Eww....  
  
Maria: '__' ...What?  
  
James: (blinks a few times and leaves)  
  
Maria: ......What in the hell was that all about?  
  
----------  
  
[Angela in ze graveyard]  
  
James: Um...excuse me I--  
  
Angela: (screams uncontrollably)  
  
James: o_O?  
  
Angela: (calms down) Whoo...*ahem* okay. So! What can I do for you?  
  
James: Um...anyway...I'm..kinda...lost...  
  
Angela: ....Lost?  
  
James: Yeah, y'know, lost? I can't find my way? Don't know where I am? Totally clueless of my surroundings here?  
  
Angela: Oh! Right! I'm not stupid, you know.  
  
James: Okaaaaay...  
  
Angela: .......  
  
James: Anyhoo, I'm looking for Silent Hill, is this the right way? (points to road)  
  
Angela: (sarcastically) No, it's over there. (points to river)  
  
James: THANKS! ^__^  
  
Angela: o_o  
  
Five minutes later...  
  
James: (pokes out of water) Um....I can't find it.  
  
Angela: (slaps hand to forehead)  
  
---------  
  
[IN DA HOSPITAL BASEMENT]  
  
Maria: Why didn't you try to save me?!  
  
James: 'Cause you get in the way when I'm attacking monsters.  
  
Maria: THAT WASN'T THE RIGHT RESPONSE!!!  
  
James: .......  
  
Maria: You don't sound very happy to see me!  
  
James: Well, duh.  
  
Maria: (screams and shoves James down the ladder)  
  
James: HEY!  
  
Maria: (stomps out slamming the door)  
  
James: YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS MARIA!! I KNOW YOU WILL!!!  
  
----------  
  
[Harry and the video]  
  
Harry: Now let's see what this is... (puts in video)  
  
Lisa: (on video) HILO HILO! WHOEVER IS WATCHING THIS STUPID COOKSHOW I MADE, THAT MEANS THIS TOWN'S GONE WHACKED, AND I AM HIGH!!   
  
Harry: o__O....  
  
Lisa: This is an herb. This is a red herb. COMBINE THIS TOGETHER AND YOU GET A HAPPY HERB!! GREEN HERBS MAKE HAPPY HERBS!!! EVERYONE IS HAPPY!! MUAHAHAHAHA! (begins jumping around)  
  
Harry: For some strange reason, I want tofu...  
  
Lisa: HERE IS A CAN OF SPAM!!  
  
Harry: OKAY! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH! (stops video and throws it out)  
  
-----------  
  
[James and the Straitjacket]  
  
James: 'Tis a evil person thingy!  
  
He whacks a few times, yay, it's dead.  
  
James: What the hell is it? (pokes it for a while) It's not human. 'Cause.....I don't think humans look like this...  
  
Straitjacket: (pops back up) I AM AN EVIL THING THAT WILL CROSS YOUR PATH DURING YOUR JOURNEY INTO SILENT HILL!! AND STOP POKING ME! (falls down dead)  
  
James: There's....more of these things?  
  
Straitjacket: (pops up again) YES THERE IS!! (falls again)  
  
James: But why...?  
  
Straitjacket: CAN I BE DEAD WITHOUT BEING ASKED ANY QUESTIONS?!?!?   
  
James: Oh, right. Sorry. (leaves)  
  
Straitjacket: (sighs and dies. Again)  
  
---------  
  
[ON THE HOSPITAL ROOF. YAY.]  
  
James: Papers. Durr. (reads it) Blah, that was boring. Pretty much pointless. (looks around) Nothing up here except a locked door. *sigh* What now?  
  
Pyramid Head: ........ (in a golf stance)  
  
James: Hey, how'd you get up here?  
  
Pyramid Head: (doesn't hear him) FORE!!!! (swings and the knife accendently flies through the air, knocking James off the roof in the process) {that's gotta hurt. *no duh*}  
  
James: (screams like a sissy)  
  
Pyramid Head: (looks down)   
  
James: x__x (all sprawled out twitching)  
  
Pyramid Head: (looks around, whistles and walks away)  
  
---------  
  
[The face box puzzle thingy]  
  
James: Um...okay. What exactly is this? Even though I have no idea what this it, I'll spin it anyway. (spins it)  
  
THEN! SOME MAGICAL REASON, A DOOR APPEARS!  
  
James: Whoa, hey, a door. Way. (looks in) Why is the room made completely outta metal? And why are there doors on the walls? O__o  
  
HE SPINS IT AGAIN!!  
  
James: (turns around) WHAT IN THE HELL!? THERE WAS A DOOR THERE A SECOND AGO!!! Hmm...maybe it has something to do with this stupid, freaky, fruity looking box thing. {smart thinking, Sunderland.}  
  
SPINS IT AGAIN!  
  
James: (groans)  
  
TWO HOURS LATER...  
  
James: FINALLY!! A DOOR THAT LEADS SOMEWHERE!! (proceeds to go down the stairs, but sees a mouse, freaks out, trips and rolls down) AHHH!! (lands and gets knocked out) x__x  
  
Maria: (in cell) Jeez, and I'm supposed to talk like Mary to this retard? Come on.  
  
--------  
  
[James and Maria are running on the road]  
  
James: Y'know, you really run slow.  
  
Maria: Shut up, at least my arms don't swing side to side while I run.  
  
A Mannequin flies out of the tree....VERRYYY SLOWLY. AND I MEAN SLOWLY.  
  
TEN MINUTES LATER...  
  
Maria: WHEN WILL THIS END?!  
  
James: (standing bored)  
  
Mannequin: (still flying)  
  
James: OOH!!! I GOT AN IDEA!   
  
Maria: -__-...  
  
James: (changes radio and The Blue Danube starts playing) Hehe! PERFECT!  
  
Maria: o__o  
  
Mannequin: (still flying)  
  
As they both wondered down the road, they see another Mannequin flying out of a tree.  
  
Maria: This song is loooong. END ALREADY.  
  
James: ....Time is going by very slowly.  
  
Maria: Yes...I can see that... BUT DID YOU HAVE TO PUT THAT SONG ON!?  
  
James: But it's perfect...especially in times like this! Once they land on the ground, we'll be long gone! ^__^  
  
Maria: Y'know how stupid you are? (walks off)  
  
James: Hey wait up!  
  
------  
  
[IN DA HOSPITAL LONG HALLWAY PLACE]  
  
James: *sigh* Like I've said before, you run really slow.  
  
Maria: Y'KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO RUN IN A SKIRT AND HIGH BOOTS?! I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY IT!!  
  
Few minutes later...  
  
James: (dressed in Maria's clothes) Oh crap, it is hard to run in these.  
  
Maria: (in James' clothes) Told ya. Fruitcake.  
  
Pyramid Head: (comes in and looks at James, then Maria, then James, then Maria)  
  
Maria/James: (quiet)  
  
SILENCE...  
  
Pyramid Head: (turns around and goes back)  
  
Maria: What was that?  
  
James: (shrugs)  
  
MEANWHILE....  
  
Pyramid Head: (going up the stairs) I never saw anything...  
  
----  
  
[James and the...boat..yeah..]  
  
James: Aw man...a rowboat. Isn't there a powerboat somewhere? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK ONE OF THESE!! *sigh* Oh well... it's the only boat to the hotel... (gets in but slips into the water) AHH! *splash* HOLY CRAP!! IT'S FREAKIN' COLD!!! (climbs in the boat and curls into a ball)  
  
Laura: ...You look like a wet cat. (disappears)  
  
AN HOUR AND THIRTY TWO MINUTES LATER.  
  
James: (finally arrives at the hotel. Still wet) Jeez, it's foggy here also. And why the hell does it smell like sausages right now? (proceeds to get out, but slips on the side of the boat) DAMN!! *splash* 


	3. SH3 with a bit of SH2

Durr... .__.  
  
___  
  
[Heather and the happy toilet]  
  
Heather: Ugh....this is too gross. ....Who would've think of doing something so disgusting?  
  
James: (passes by window) Hey, what's that supposed to mean?  
  
Heather: (turns around) What the...?  
  
James: I stuck my hand in a toilet before.  
  
Heather: Just...no. And get outta here! This is the ladies' bathroom!!!  
  
James: What if I don't want to...?  
  
Heather: (takes knife) GET OUTTA HERE YOU GREEN JACKET LIZARD FREAK!!!  
  
James: AH! (runs off)  
  
Heather: Stupidass moron. (climbs out window)  
  
----  
  
[Heather meets Claudia]  
  
Claudia: ....I am Claudia...  
  
Heather: So what?! .....Wait....you're pretty crazy looking. You must be the one who made the White Claudia drug!!  
  
Claudia: ........No, it's not me.  
  
Heather: Liar!! I can tell by your face that you're high on something!!  
  
Claudia: Just because I got this stupid green glow on my face, doesn't mean I'm high!!  
  
Heather: Whatever. Later. (leaves)  
  
Claudia: .__.  
  
----  
  
[James and Eddie in the prison]  
  
Eddie: Whaddya mean 'just for that'?!  
  
James: Eddie, you can't just run from me, 'cause of the way I looked at you...  
  
Eddie: Uh...what?  
  
James: Wait...huh? '__'  
  
Eddie: I....think you said that wrong.  
  
James: ....Yeah I think I did. Meh. Oh well.  
  
Eddie: Anyway, I gotta run.  
  
James: You're going out there alone?  
  
Eddie: Yeah... (leaves)  
  
James: Eddie! Don't leave me here..! I'm scared of the dark!! (runs after him)  
  
---  
  
[Heather vs. Memory of Alessa]  
  
Alessa: (brings knife out) Bring it on...  
  
Heather: ^o^ Hot damn! You're dressed exactly like me! Except your hair is black and....your skin is....burned. Badly. .__. Anyhoo, (takes knife out also) Even though I can't beat you with this, but oh well!! Let's go!  
  
Valtiel: (appears as referee) First battle of the SH thingys!! I think. Heather against herself!! Who will claim the freakin' victory?! Heather and Alessa....go!!! (dissappears)  
  
Blah blah blah....they're both trying to beat the living hell outta each other...  
  
THREE MINUTES LATER...  
  
Alessa: I'M MELTING!! LITERALLY!!  
  
Heather: Eww....I FIZZ UP LIKE THE CHIMERAS FROM THE REMAKE OF RESIDENT EVIL 1!!!   
  
Valtiel: (reappears) AND OUR WONDERFUL HEATHER IS THE WINNER!! Blah......aaokay I'm done. (disappears)  
  
Heather: ......Okay...that was random. (leaves)  
  
---  
  
'__'.... 


End file.
